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If that were me, I wouldnt say you're disgusting. Like that guy that you said was the nicest who came in and said you looked disgusting and offered to untie you offended me. I like to hook up and what not but if I notice for a second the person is uneasy or sad. I had my switch in my car and we played Mario kart and stuff And I cuddled with him and he fell asleep on me. I mean I've had hook up encounters where the guy wanted to have sex and leave but i knew something was going on with him. Should I do it without shoes like the movies? Should I shower first so they don't think I was part of some orgy gone wrong? It must be so liberating on those final moments, just you and the air and nothing else. I know I should be happy about the life I have, with a big fucking house for myself and much more money than someone my age could use, but I think that's all people see, a huge dollar sign. Bye"? Who would care for a suicide letter? I wish I could just crumble and hold myself so tight I would implode like a supernova. What would I even write on my suicide letter? "I'm an ungrateful and unsatisfiable prick. Same for the fucker who'll take my body out of my house after weeks if I do it at home. I keep thinking about jumping out of this window, but I can't help but think about the poor fucker who'll have to shove me out of the sidewalk. I thought that doing this would make me care about how disgusting it all is or care about my health or the pain or something, but I don't. I did everything right and nothing was ever good enough. My biggest social transgression ever was keeping a long hair instead of clean cut one. At some point I started dozing off because I'd feel some guy going at it and then they were gone. I'm all sticky of cum and sweat and vomit and even my hair looks dirty. I don't think there is a place that didn't get cum. I think the nicest guy was the one that came and said that I looked disgusting and asked if I needed help or if he should untie me. One was wearing some kind of boot and kept kicking me and stepping on me. I had my throat fucked, my face and body slapped. Some guys were so rough, like they were trying to hurt me, and I wished they would try harder and stick around longer.
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One guy asked if he could tie my hands and I just said whatever, so he did. No one cared about lubing my asshole nor saying much. I took off my clothes and just lie on the bed. I went online on a local website and listed myself as a cumdump, then went and booked an hotel room.